So, I had a conversation with my husband the other day as he returned from work about my 5 month old son. My 5 month old son was very fussy while my husband was holding him, my father in law tried to take him, and he got the same result. He didn't want to sit in his jumperoo or in his swing, my baby just kept crying. I walked over to the couch and my son stopped crying almost as soon as I put my arms around him. My husband always makes comments that he doesn't think the baby eats enough when I nurse him. (Contrary to many printed pages and book highlights from my research on the subject) I explained to my husband that I had just fed him and he proceeded to tell me my son was spoiled because he cries to be "picked up" (as in, whoever is holding him must be standing up) and sometimes he cries for specific people. So, my question for you readers is, what do you believe? Can a child really be spoiled with affection? Can you show a child too much love?
This is a very confusing subject for me. This is my second child, and I'm not sure if my feelings are different because I didn't breastfeed my first but I did my second, or because I experienced having to leave my first son at a very young age (around 7-8 months old) to go on a 6 month deployment, and then four months after getting back, a 4 month deployment. All I know is this: I can remember being able to let my first son cry and not feel anguish inside. I can remember the first night I put him in a separate room in his own crib and being able to sleep through the night, it was my decision and I did it with no hesitation. With my second son, he is still sleeping in a cradle beside my bed, and I completely dismissed a comment my husband made about my first son "already being in his own room at this age". I have absolutely no desire to put my son in a different room. He has gotten to the point that a lot of the time that he needs physical contact to fall asleep, whether it's my hand on his cheek, or his hand wrapped around my finger. And I have to admit, it's a big comfort to me, too.
I really can't explain what has changed about me between the 2 children. From my perspective now, it seems as though I was such a cold mother to my first son. Even though I can't remember him crying often at all, the times I can remember seemed to not have bothered me. If my 5 month old so much as whimpers, I find myself staring at him, heart racing, waiting for him to make another noise to show he's still breathing, or waiting for a cry for me to fix whatever's wrong. I had a nightmare of my son dying in my arms one night and I woke up in tears and reached over into the cradle and nudged him so he would stir or make a noise, and then fell asleep with my hand on his chest, feeling him breathing. Maybe I cling to him more tightly than my first because with my first at that age, I had never experienced having to leave my children for an extended period of time. Maybe I got complacent, & took his presence for granted, subconsciously.
I have heard so many opinions from "experts" and I know everyone says to just follow my motherly instinct, but I can't help but wonder. Should I listen to the experts that say "you're child needs to cry to learn to self soothe", or the experts that say "the more affection a baby is shown, the faster they become independent"? I know in most cases, people consider being spoiled to mean that you buy your kids everything they want, but, to reiterate my original pondering...
Can a child be spoiled with love?
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